HNUM²

Way back in 2003 I was on a bit of a zombie kick. Snatching up any zombie flick I could find. Some were good. Some were bad. Some were almost unwatchable. Browsing a site that sold US imports in the UK, I came across House of the Dead. Interested to check it out but not really wanting to spend the £17.99 they were asking for it, especially as a blind buy I’d heard nothing about. It hadn’t been released in the UK yet either. Checking ebay I came across a used copy for a price I was willing to risk.

When it arrived, I realized I’d been ripped off. Not because the price was too high, but because the DVD was bootleg. Little things gave it away. The “believe us, this is totally genuine” type hologram. The badly printed disc art. The DTS track being out of synch. The fact that the movie was directed by…

Of course, that didn’t stop me watching it.  And what I got wasn’t a good zombie movie.  It wasn’t a bad zombie movie. It was much, much more than that.

The rave of the year is happening.  For some reason it’s on an isolated island.  An Island that we soon discover is known locally as Isla del Muerte, and from an enthusiastic Clint Howard, for us that don’t speak Mexican, he explains that it’s Spanish for Death.

On the island, we see the hordes of party goers (there must be at least 50 people at this rave of the millennium) that will become lunch for the residents of the Isle of the Dead.

Promptly, the latecomers arrive at the party only to discover the place abandoned.  Showing only the vaguest concerns they go about drinking, sexing and old house exploring.  In this old house, the titular House of the Dead they discover a few survivors and learn what happened.  They disbelieve the video evidence until one of their number gets zombified.

They decide to try to leave the island only to discover that the boat is overrun by zombies.  Having no alternative, they make for the house.  Unfortunately, the dead are waiting.  There’s an epic battle with the zombies before they manage to get inside the house where the final showdown awaits them.

I’ll get this out of the way right now.  I unashamedly love this movie.  However, I have no delusion that it’s a good movie.  It’s one of those movies that do about everything wrong, but come out with something that exceeds all it should be.

I’ll get the positives out of the way first of all.  The movie’s well shot, there’s some great shot composition and at times the production/set design works (although at other times the sets look very “amusement park”.)  There are some nice gore moments, too.  And plenty of boobs.  Most of the acting is competent, too.  Even if Clint Howard goes a little over the top sometimes.  Well, all the time really.  Some of the zombie makeup is pretty good.

As for the bad… There’s a lot of it.  There’s continuity errors (rain that disappears between shots, zombies being killed several times, zombies disappearing, weapons changing), production goofs (visible springboards, wires, daylight at nighttime),  bad dialogue (“You did all this to become immortal. Why?” “ To live forever!” and “Guys, check out this book. Looks pretty old, maybe it’ll help us!” ), contrived plot points (weapons being smuggled and everyone being proficient with said weapons.)
While the zombies don’t follow traditional rules set forth by past movies (they swim, run, sneak around, use weapons) you could argue that within the movie’s logic, anything goes. But still, acid spitting zombies are a bit silly.

The reactions when distributing the weapons are priceless.  Apparently unsheathing a machete or cocking a shotgun is very arousing.
The matrix inspired shots look out of place, the flashback of the entire battle during the big battle is just… interesting?
There’s plenty more silly, or worse yet, dumb moments. But fortunately, when taken as a whole, the movie is very enjoyable. It’s a fun, funny way to pass an hour and a half.