HNUM²

Up now it’s the 8th place in the highly read and commented upon MST3K: MT10. Well, highly read is disputable, but it’s certainly received loads of comments. All of them contain the words Viagra, Penis Enlargement, pharma and similar popular terms.

So, without further delays, here’s number 8. I know it stars Robert Z’Dar, but I can’t remember if it stars Ving Rhames or not. It’s the movie that delivers more “huh?”’s per second. It’s not the future, there’s no war, it’s…

After discovering that Gypsy is not once, twice or three times a lady (she’s 2.7 times a lady. Strangely, Mike’s 8 times a lady… I thought it’d be higher) and that LSD really messes with Crow’s mind (how freaky would it be to imagine a Milky Way is actually a Snickers?) we get on with the episodes movie.

It’s a movie about a descendant of prehistoric man kidnapped by aliens to use as slaves who has escaped to heaven (aka Earth) but is being hunted by the descendants of dinosaurs who were also kidnapped by aliens to use as hunters.  Or something.  When he arrives on earth he teams up with a prosti-nun to kill dinosaurs.  Or something.

Getting off to a great start with some nice credit based jokes (someone with the unfortunate initials of K.Y. and the lack of z’s in about 3 names) the movie proper gets off to a humorous start with a dino-poop joke and the more humorous dino-death by beer bottle.  The ease of death made the guys wonder if it was in fact butterflies that wiped out the dinosaurs.  One of several funny “weak dinosaur” jokes.

As the episode goes on there’s plenty of great observational humor and references.  The star is compared to Jean Claude Van Damme although he’s certainly more Jean Claude Gosh Darn.  “A man was snapped at by a forced perspective puppet”, “Hmm, that bass.  Seinfeld must be starting.” “Just Call me Bruce Box-liker” are amongst my favorites.

A reference to number 9 in my top 10 with “was he talking about a warwilf?”  made me laugh more than it should.  I probably haven’t even seen half of the episodes, but it’s always funny when you get the in-jokes.

Like 10 and 9, there’s plenty to learn from this episode.  Warehouses ship boxes of air and boxes of inflated balloons to people.  Dinosaurs, as well as seeing with Kool-Ade vision, change size when necessary.  Soloflex works.  Editing machines can stand in for scientific instruments.  The police station invasion scene from The Terminator can be made incredibly lame by the wrong director.  The act of driving has no inherent quantity that you can increase.
There’s plenty more that you can learn from this episode that will enrich your quality of life.  I suggest you watch and find out.

This movie itself is so bad that the guys can’t even keep up with the joke possibilities.  For example, they missed a prime opportunity for comedy when it’s implied that you need heavy artillery to take out the “trackers” when so far a broken beer bottle and a stick has done the job.  Can’t really fault them, though, when they had many funny lines like…

“It wasn’t a meteor but an air rifle that killed the dinosaurs.”
“He was 3 days away from retirement”
“Brain guy looked like this in high school”
“He’s boxed in.”  “Yeah, well I’m card-bored.”
I have a past that I’m not proud of  “and that’s why I kept a scrapbook”
“She did him the favor of pre-stuffing herself into the crawlspace.”
“Damn Bumpasses’ dinosaurs!”
“According to the bells it’s 97 O’Cloc”
“He’s got the longest buttcrack I’ve ever seen”

Enough wasting space with quotes and on to the host segments.
The kickboxing Tom is amusing, as is the Pearl not Killing the satellites occupants. Droppy’s funny. The Mike Z’dar segment’s the best one, though.