HNUM²

Santa’s Slay – David Steiman

When the Devil’s son loses a bet to an angel Santa Claus is born. The violent, brutal kid of Satan is trapped in the role of friendly, jolly, gift giving Santa for 1000 years. This Christmas, the 1000th year is up. Back to his usual devilish ways, Christmas for Hell Township is not going to be full of cheer, but fear as Santa hunts his old nemesis, killing and punning his way through the population before the final showdown.

From the opening scene there’s little doubt as to what you can expect of the remaining 75 minutes. A big burly Santa killing people in very festive, and often highly amusing ways, with a little plot advancement thrown in for good measure.
And like almost every slasher film, little plot is right. Someone with a grievance comes hunting for the one who wronged him, killing all that get in the way. You’ve seen it way too often. Sometimes you get something worthwhile. Occasionally you get something outstanding. More often than not, though, you get crap. This falls in the area where crap and worthwhile overlap.

There’s not really enough to the movie to do any kind of real review, even one to the very amateur, badly written standards I strive for, so I’ll just list some favorite moments.

Mrs Talbert. Especially the “Don’t use that political language shit with me. It’s Christmas, wish me Merry Christmas.”
At the strip club. “Ho Ho… Hos”
Candy Cane to the eye.
Global. Operations. Network. for Aerospace. Defense.
Tiny Lister
You kiss like a guy.
“Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile“… Oh wait, that was the Futurama evil Santa episode.

It’s a bad movie, but so much fun. Overly silly festive killings, more Christmas puns than you could ever long for, Chris Kattan getting kicked to death, Santa disinfecting a stripper pole before using it as a weapon… What’s not to like?