HNUM²

Many horror fans will know the name Mario Bava.  Amongst horror aficionados he is very highly rated. Some of his well known movies are Black Sabbath, Black Sunday, Twitch of the Death Nerve, Kill, Baby… Kill! and Planet of the Vampires.  He’s thought of as a master of the genre, as well as being more than proficient in other genres.

Those same aficionados will undoubtedly have heard of Lamberto, too.  The son of Mario, he’s looked at as something of an embarrassment to the Bava name.  With a filmography filled with stinkers he has had a couple of shining moments.  Demons and Demons 2 being the most notable.  Not good movies, but a lot of fun.

So it’d only seem natural that the guys behind Mystery Science Theater 3000 would pick on a Lamberto movie. What doesn’t seem so likely is them picking a Mario movie.  But they did.

And that gives me  the chance to settle the ongoing argument… Which Bava is best?  OK, it’s not ongoing, and I have massive doubts that anyone has even pondered that question, but I’m asking it.  Sort of.

Who’s movie, father or son, was mocked most funnily by the MST3K guys?  Thankfully Mike was the riffer on both movies so there’s none of the “Mike’s best” “No Joel’s best” impartiality factor to contend with.



Mario Bava’s Diabolik is a movie about a “reverse raccoon man” who commits crimes all over a generic European country so he can get his end wet.  He probably enjoys the crime committing, too.  His wig wearing girlfriend helps in his… Diabolic plans which involve theft and a lot of collateral damage.

I’ve read from many Bava fans that this movie is genuinely enjoyable.  And not in the bad/good way, either.  There seems to be a genuine liking of the movie.  I really don’t get it.  I just found it a bad movie.  Not to say there aren’t things to like about it.  It’s certainly well filmed, and the production design is wonderful.  I guess I just don’t get it.  Of course, I only saw the movie once, quite a while ago, in it’s non-mst3k’d form and never would have thought about watching it again if it wasn’t for Mike and the Bots.

Of all the MST3K episodes I’ve seen, this is one of my least favourite.  There was barely a time when I cracked a smile, let alone laughed out loud.  There was some clever writing, and a couple of great moments.  The reference to a drunk Dr Phibes,  Crow commenting on how hard it is to get contractors to build secret lairs, A British teethed Dan Quayle announcing his candidacy, Keith Richards’ narcotics, Diabolik having unbelievable luck and coincidence and Mike’s hitchhiking outfit are all great moments.  My favourite, though, is when Diabolik and Wiggy are making lurve in the money and Mike comments that if they were to “make love on English pound notes, their sex is 50% better.”

I wasn’t too impressed by the host segments, either.  The song was kinda funny but the rest was a little dull.  Them back on earth, doing exactly what they’ve been doing for the last several years was a great closing moment, though.


Next up is John Old Jr.’s…

John Old Jr. is, as I’m sure you figured out, Lamberto Bava.  And in case you missed the title card, two minutes later you get to see it again.

Devil Fish is a movie about some kind of giant shark/octopus hybrid killing Italians pretending to be Floridians. And then the Floritalians try to kill the shartopus. Also there’s some genetic engineering. And the Floritalian genetineerers try to kill people, too.

I’ve never seen the original version of this Jaws cash in so I don’t really know what’s missing here. Probably some gore or tits. I have a strong suspicion that, even uncut this movie would be a badly edited mess. And I have a strong suspicion that if the MST guys didn’t have to worry about running time and ratings this could have been even funnier.

But as it is, it’s still somewhere in my top 10 MST3K episodes. They are consistently funny here, with plenty of laugh out loud moments and many clever subtle references (“Too high or too low a frequency…Kenneth” “Is that Fab Or Rob?”and “I can’t believe I directed ‘North’!” were probably my favourites, but I’m sure there are many more I didn’t catch (or get) that would have been just as funny.)
The ongoing “Beer” jokes never get old even though the best ones are done early in the movie (Servo doing the “glug glug glug” sound over the blank strange devil-fish recording and the “I picked it up at 10:18 and lasted for 3 minutes… like my last 12 pack”

Some other top moments include “Our special tonight is Devil Fish, with Satanic String Beans, and Deep Lucifered Potatoes!”, Rip Torn in drag, the age of Seaquarium, the directors vision being lots of shots of things, underwater fights/drum solo comparison, humans being able to live without flesh and the soft-porn music.
Even the cheesy puns are top notch. “That’s so big it’s an eleven-tacle.”

The host segments are also pretty funny. The government steeling Mikes identity, Pearl trying to convince a couple that the castle is actually a cruise ship, Mike calling dolphins stupid and the dolphins proving otherwise, Italian stereotypes and the electrician/dolphin cooperation all bring on the funny.

So, who’s movie was mocked most funnily by the MST3K guys? Lamberto Bava is the winner (loser?) here. I guess it’s pretty one sided. Devil Fish is definitely the funniest of the two episodes. By a long shot. The observational humor, the subtle references, the running Beer/European jokes just trump anything in Diabolik.

Maybe Lamberto’s long career of mainly shitty movies is ample proof that it was obvious he would make the best-worst movie. Maybe it’s a sign that the Mario-movie is actually too good to be mocked successfully. Of course, I never found the Manos: The Hands of Fate episode all that funny either.